Getting a job is great, but your social interaction and self-control determines whether you keep the position.
There are many articles about how to communicate effectively in the workplace to get what you want or perform as a leader. What some magazines do not cover is how to handle coworkers who are undeniably being a jerk to you. And there will be those awful coworkers who simply wear on your sanity each day. And you are likely to mess up and return fire because we’re all human, but just because we’re human does not mean we should act rashly. By knowing yourself, you can keep your weaknesses in check.
Knowing Yourself
I know, I know it sounds a little fruity but hear me out. Knowing yourself will solve a lot of social issues that could arise in the workplace. As painful as it might be, think back to high school and middle school. Think of those embarrassing moments you reenact while doing dishes and say what you wish you would have way back then. A lot of those awkward moments were because you were simply unaware of yourself and the people around you.
The Best Way To Know Yourself
The best way to know yourself is by determining your weaknesses. Your weaknesses are what guide your actions when you are tired, lacking motivation or simply not paying attention. Usually, you can find a core weakness by looking at your strengths and shifting it a few degrees to the left.
Think of your strength and motivation. Are you someone who is really caring? Do you care about things being organized and have some major type A tendencies? Or are you like me and really care about helping others?
While I care about helping others, looking at the selfish reason, or the self-serving reason I do it shows my weakness. I am a yes man. A person who will drop things to help others. Why? Because it makes me feel good. How does wanting to help others become a weakness? How can I see a weakness in this? Simply put, I compromise myself to be liked by others. In doing this, I lose control of who I am and try to keep everyone happy. This could compromise my abilities as a leader and would result in being inconsistent. Continuing to give in to my weakness would result in burnout.
This is just one way to know yourself and your weaknesses. Maybe I’ll write a more thorough (and extremely long) blog post bearing all my weaknesses to you so you can grow as well. But in knowing my weakness and not giving in to it, I was able to handle this workplace bully well and in the end, come to an area of mutual respect.
The Workplace Bully Story
Just the other day I was working on a job site (I’m a construction worker during summer and winter break while I attend college full time during their regular semesters). I just arrived on the job site and had to retrieve a skid loader for my foreman. He was preoccupied with talking to the man in charge of the entire development project. Imagine guys in hard hats pointing and looking at papers. We were simply there to place some pipes for gas and electricity underground. This man, the one in charge , 5 foot nothing with a bad case of Napoleans disease (Lou) saw me and yelled, “Get a haircut!”
In my mind, I thought, “who is this guy?” but I smiled and jokingly said I could put it up into a mohawk for him if he liked. I pulled my hands up to my hair and sleeked it up into its mohawk shape. He shook his head angrily and walked over to his truck. I proceeded to drive the skid loader down to the area we were working at. I found out from my boss that Lou was in the Army before.
My second interaction with Lou I was prepared for. You have to meet people where they are comfortable, an army guy like this is used to harassing younger guys to toughen them up. He would respect direct confrontation, but confrontation backed in confidence, not ego. As I was passing by him in the skid loader again I parked it and jumped out to approach him and had my hand out ready to give the short 60-year-old a firm handshake (firm, not overbearing). I said with a smile, “Hi, what’s your name.”
“I’m the boss, I’m the guy in charge here,” Lou replied with his arms crossed not making eye contact and looking slightly to my right to show he did not think I was worth his time.
Not missing a beat, I kept my eyes fixed on his expensive silver sunglasses with my hand outstretched continuing to smile I said, “That’s nice and all, but what’s your name.”
“Lou,” He replied finally taking my hand.
“Nice to meet you Lou, my name is Wesley,” and with that, I went back to work.
I’d like to say we were best friends immediately and he respected me, but I believe he was confused by my actions. And his response was to be expected. For the next two days, he insulted me as a person and everything I did. Some things were undoubtedly too far and I wouldn’t dream of writing them. The funniest part about the insults, I did not care (going against my people-pleasing nature). When I was in school, I was made fun of a lot because I was scrawny. Back then, I got angry and upset. My sophomore year of high school I had an epiphany; what was upsetting me would not matter in an hour or a day, or a week, so in the scheme of my life this upsetting moment did not matter. That was a factor in me being impervious to Lou’s verbal attacks, but it was not what I was thinking as Lou insulted me. I recognized that Lou’s opinion did not matter to me. I was not only confident in the work I was performing, but in myself as a person.
As he made fun of me I treated him nicely and respectfully while smiling the entire time. After each insult, I would shake my head as I worked so he knew I was acknowledging him, and at the same time disapproving of his actions. Slowly, I started practicing leadership tactics on him (It was entertaining using leader tactics on the proclaimed boss). I asked him about himself and was encouraging about certain things he had done in his life. I did not tell him about myself unless he asked. I knew he would make fun of it if I tried to present things to him or prove myself to him, and I had nothing to prove to him.
On the fourth day, he started making fun of me immediately. It was inevitable since we were working nearby his truck. After a couple of hours, he was talking to my foreman and me as we attached pipes together (he mainly harassed me when I was shoveling and my foreman was running the skid loader because I was alone then). As the conversation hit a lull he said, “You know kid, I may bust your balls, but you’re a hard worker. Every time I see you you’re working,” he paused as I smiled and gave a small nod, “but don’t let it go to your head.” With that, he walked off and was nice to me for the rest of our time on the job.
After he left my foreman who keeps to himself chuckled and said, “You know, if you can get that guy to give you a compliment, you can get anyone to give you one.”
The entire social interaction taught me that respect, even undeserved respect delivers respect in return. If I had lacked confidence in myself and felt the need to retaliate, I would have undoubtedly left the job site every day upset and aggravated. This may have been at a summer job, but the experience of managing my own social interaction to get an overall positive workplace result is a skill that can be used anywhere.
Your Homework
Find a person at work that you have difficulty getting along with and reach out to them. If you have had disagreements in the past apologize for them. Making a clean slate is essential for this skill’s growth and success. When approaching every social scenario remember, in order to be a leader (a good leader) you must be a servant.
It sounds backward, but if I had not met and served Lou socially with what he is used to, while still remaining true to myself and my own personality, he would never have respected me. Think about this, how many 60-year-old army guys admit their respect to a 22-year-old guy shoveling dirt in a ditch.
Side note, life is much easier without jerks and bullies. Do not be a Lou.